


here we go again, i kinda wanna be more than friends (so take it easy on me)

by orphan_account



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Gen, Genderfluid Character, Internet Dating, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Online Dating, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transgender, met online au, online friends au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-29
Updated: 2015-01-29
Packaged: 2018-02-19 05:07:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2375741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One night, Ray can't stop crying. He posts about it online, and just when no one has answered and he fears no one cares, a comment comes from one tmntmichael.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm delving into the world of roosterteeth fanfiction. And once again, it's trans fic, because when do I ever /not/ write trans fic. Anyway, I'm not exactly sure how long this'll be, though the first chapter really isn't too long.
> 
> This story is a work of fiction, based on the personalities from Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter. It's not meant to offend or hurt anyone.
> 
> Content Warnings for Chapter 1: Negativity, Anxiety, Misgendering, and Deadnaming.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Ray sucks a deep breath in, letting it slowly out through his mouth. He didn’t know how to stop this spiral. Everything’s going out of control and he can’t see shit. The words spilled through his mind, and he felt a sense of invalidity pushing through him.

 _I’m nothing,_ he writes, the cold feeling of emptiness sending chills down his spine, _Jesus, I’m nothing and there’s nothing I can do to change that. I wish I could be better. I wish I had someone to tell me otherwise. I wish I had good friends, someone who cared._

He clicks “post”, letting the feeling in his chest explode as he reloads the page repeatedly, nothing coming up. Ray lets his head hang and hits the refresh button one more time, and there it is.

 **tmntmichael** replied: _you are so much and you are so strong. i’ll be your better friend._

Ray sits there, simply staring at the comment. He’s never seen this name before, but there they were, commenting to him, caring enough to write to him. A grins spreads across his face, through the tears still coming down. He pulls a sticky note out from his desk draw and grabs a pen, scrawling the comment down on it. He shoves it against the wall, writing “-tmntmichael” underneath, before heading straight to bed.

***

“Sarah!” Ray’s awoken to the sound of his mother screaming to him, “Sarah, wake up, you’re going to be late for school!”

“I’m up, mom, coming!” Ray half groans half yells out his door, before throwing his clothes on. Another day of misgendering and ridicule coming up. _Wow, I sure do **love** high school._

He glances up at the wall as he’s pulling his clothes on and there the post it note sticks, the words pushing their way into his head. He laughs a little too, because tmntmichael was the one who pulled him out of his stupor. He absently wonders which ninja turtle is their favorite, but stops that thought there and instead continues to get dressed, yelling periodically to his mother about his state of readiness.

***

“...And because of this, Napoleon was able to- Yes, Sarah?”, Ms. Weeder points to him.

Ray sighs before asking, “Can I go to the bathroom?”

“Of course you may, Ms. Narvaez. Grab a pass on your way out. Now, class, when Napoleon-”

Ray opens the door and lets it fall behind him, and he doesn’t give a shit that it probably caused at least two people in the room to wake up. He walks slowly to the girls’ bathroom, and it just keeps running through his mind. _Ms. Narvaez. Ms. Narvez._ Fuck, he just wishes that that wouldn’t be the case in every, single, fucking class. He calms himself, thinking again back to tmntmichael’s wise words, and really ponders what their favorite ninja turtle is. Maybe Michelangelo? That would make sense with the Michael part. Maybe it’s a play off of the turtle? Or maybe it’s just their name. He really didn’t know. He probably should’ve actually looked at their profile instead of just leaving. At least then he wouldn’t be in this mess. He vowed that as soon as he got home he’d check it out.

***

**TMNTMICHAEL**

**Age:** 19

 **Pronouns:** ze/zem/zir or he/him/his

 **Location:** assfuck, new jersey

 **Bio:** i'm michael. i like tmnt, zelda, and banjo kazooie. if you wanna fuck with me you better be ready to fight. fuck you.

“Well. That’s inviting.” Ray sighs, but still clicks the message button, and writes the most vague thing he can. It’s polite but not too polite, it expressed gratitude, but not too much, and he was pretty sure there was a joke in there. “Perfect.”

***

Michael hears the ding in zir ear and clicks to his other tab, pausing his watching of the video. Ze immediately sees the message in zir box and clicks it, his heart pounding a bit, almost completely skittering to a stop. It was from that Ray guy alright, the username brownmanray confirming his thoughts, but it was absolute gibberish. _Hey, you’re the guy who talked to me yesterday when I was feeling in the cloud. Thanks you are a bunch of good things a lot. Is your favorite turtle the orange one because of your name being the way it is. Haha cool, I like purple._

Michael tries to decipher it but fails, shaking his head the whole time. He just decides to write back a simple message.

***

The alert rings throughout Ray’s room and he excitedly races back to the computer, clicking his message box. And there from tmntmichael was the message. _w_ _hat the fuck does that mean._

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo! So, welcome to chapter 2! Um, lightly beta'd by my friend not into roosterteeth, so sorry if it's a little rough. Also sorry it's so small. Promise it'll be more substantial next time. Thanks! Um, okay, enjoy!
> 
> Content warnings: Slight mention of dysphoria, food mention, money. Please tell me if I missed anything!

**tmntmichael:** _would you rather be fucked by a gorilla or have to eat a rabbit ear raw_

 **brownmanray:** _Rabbit ear. It’d be disgusting but at least after I’d have good luck for like seven fucking years or whatever._

Michael laughed. Ze was on zir night off, enjoying not answering calls from people unable to turn a single fuse back on. When ze told Ray about zir job, Ray had simply written What’s a fuse?, sending Michael into a fit of giggles. _Giggling_ , ze thought, _is this who I’m becoming? The type of person who **giggles**?_

 **tmntmichael:** _how old are u again? 7?_

 **brownmanray:** _Actually, seven and three-fourths, give me some credit._

 **tmntmichael:** _srsly, though, how old?_

 **brownmanray:** _Seventeen._

 **tmntmichael:** _oh. so, junior in high school?_

 **brownmanray:** _I’m wincing. Senior._

 **tmntmichael:** _u ready to leave high school or are u one of those people that thinks it’s ‘the glory days’_

 **brownmanray:** _I’m so fucking ready, you don’t understand. I’m done being called the wrong thing every single fucking day._

Ray held his breath. _Shit, shit, shit I shouldn’t have said that. He probably thought I was cis. Oh, god, oh no. Now ze’s gonna know that I don’t have a dick and I don’t have a flat chest and he’s not gonna want to be my friend or anything again._

 **tmntmichael:** _i know how that feels. i wish i could be there to fight them, jersey style._

 **brownmanray:** _So, shirtless?_

 **tmntmichael:** _no, not shirtless. shirts stay firmly on at all times. we have several layers of chain mail between us actually. don’t worry, i won’t start the fight without u, oh brave knight in shitty armor._

 **brownmanray:** _My hero!_

 **tmntmichael:** _i think we fucked this up somewhere along the way but i’m not sure where so i’m just gonna leave it._

 

***

Michael sighs and stares at the ceiling. Ray was going to kill him. He was sure of it. Here he was, living in a crummy apartment in Jersey, paying zir rent with paychecks with a job that pays okay, and he has barely enough to pay for a laptop. Ze has to steal wifi from a downstairs neighbor who constantly storms around yelling for whoever keeps stealing her wifi to just reveal themself, and here Michael was, not thinking about any of that. Here Michael was thinking about some 17 year old who lives in New York and who makes stupid jokes and types with perfect grammar and constantly throws zem for a loop, just by being there constantly, by not giving up on him like everyone else has. Ze is thinking about this kid and feelings he can’t even remember feeling before and ze feels like this is when his greyromantic status comes in. He just calms himself down and thinks, _I’m in too fucking deep_.

His thoughts are interrupted by his phone chiming out its annoying and scratchy alarm. Ze silences it with a hand and checks the time. 9 PM. _Time to start the night shift_.

You would think that the night shift for an electrician wouldn’t be so hard, just a lot of waiting around. But, every night around 12:30 AM, they’ll get a call about some power outage or a fuse that won’t turn on. Usually it’s an old person, mostly with names like Muriel or Curtis. They’ll ask him to fix it, and while he does they usually offer a cookie or some milk and call zir a fine young man. At then they’ll probably thank him, or sometimes they just leave some money out on the counter and fall asleep on the couch. Ze’s been told he was going to be set up with someone’s granddaughter numerous times. He’s always laughed it off and said goodnight with a smile before turning around and whispering “Fucking setting me up at 2 AM, that’s fucking Jersey for you.”

When it comes to being set up, it’s never good. Michael’s words get twisted up until ze’s blue in the face. He’s always being told that ze’s a bit too abrasive and angry, or that he’s a bit too shy or a bit too loud or a bit too quiet. Ze doesn’t know what the fuck he’s not “a bit too much” of, so ze tries to stay away from that. Girls make him nervous, boys make him nervous, people make him nervous, especially when they look at zem in a way that ze knows mean they like him, and it scares zir that someone can see him and think that, something he almost never does.  Ze gives them a shot anyway. A lot of time it’s his friends, or zir family friends. But, they don’t understand the fear that pulses through Michael every time he realizes that if it goes well, he’ll have to tell them. Ze’ll have to explain what trans is, tell them what nonbinary is, go through all of that, and hope that they aren’t gonna walk out or yell at him or just fucking give up.

He knows ze can’t fucking hand them a brochure and call it a night, but he doesn’t know what else he can do. Ze wants someone who knows, but God-Knows-Where, New Jersey isn’t the most “Welcome to Nonbinary Land, home of the Genderfluid Tigers” place in the world. So, he just hunkers down in his apartment, orders shitty take out, and just pretends like ze doesn’t exist for a few hours. But here’s someone who understands. He’s heard everything there is to know about the internet, and fake relationships, and people not being who they say they are, but Jesus Christ, this feels so real. Michael can’t believe Ray even exists and when Ray fucking mentioned not being called he, Michael’s ears fucking perked up. _He knows what trans is. He **is** trans._ This was more than ze could’ve hoped for. He was just like Michael. He knew what Michael felt like. Michael had never felt better in zir life, and as Michael heard the office phone ring, and knew that another old person would try to set him up with their grandson, ze didn’t even care.

 

***

Ray closes his eyes. He thinks about everything he’s not and the floodgates open and all of a sudden he’s bathed in self-loathing and heartache and waves and waves of dysphoria are crashing down over him. But then, he opens his eyes and sees his wall. Post-it notes are lined row by row, column by column with things that make him feel less alone. And every one of them is signed **-tmntmichael**.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, chapter three's finally here! Sorry again that it took me so long, but I'm busy a lot, so I don't get a lot of free time.
> 
> Content Warnings for alcohol, mentions of homophobia, transphobia, misgendering, dysphoria, ableist language (not the r-slur, but other stuff), and deadnaming.

Michael Jones can feel the blood rushing to zir face. Michael doesn’t feel like anyone tonight, feels like ze’s falling down an endless pit, and here ze is, walking into a restaurant to give a girl ze doesn’t know flowers, to hear her say zir name and immediately think ze’s a guy, to spend the whole night sucked into who ze’s been told to be zir whole life. Ze can see her through the window, and already ze’s nervous, because dear god, what Sam told zem did not describe her at all.  He said she’d be a little harsh looking, but that she was sweet, if not a bit rough around the edges. Ze saw her and immediately felt zir throat close up. She’s sitting there, grin wide, and the hope in her eyes says that she’s looking for a commitment, not some flaky kid from New Jersey who’s hiding zir entire identity from her.

Ze takes the rose out of his lapel that would’ve distinguished zem, walks to the maitre de, and hands Patricia Walkins the flower, pointing to the girl at the table, and walks off.

Ze bailed, and ze knows ze should feel bad about it, but ze knows ze did right.

Better to bail than break her heart.

***

 

 _Are you fucking kidding me?_ Ray sat there dumbfounded, his mother lecturing him.

“Now, I understand that as a young woman you may have some body image issues and your hormones are pumping, I know how that feels, but honey, walking into the boys’ bathroom is no way to let out your hormones. Being a teenager is hard, but you’re a senior. You should know better than this by now.”

Ray hangs his head, sighing. _Fuck, I wish you would fucking understand. I wish I could come out to you. But, no. That’s never gonna happen. Ever. Not if I can help it._

The door slams in the kitchen. “Ray, honey, is that you?”

Ray looks up, thinking that his mother was calling his name, but he realizes his screw up when his dad walks in.

“Yeah. What’s going on with this?” Ray’s father indicates Ray sitting on the couch.

“Oh, she was caught walking into the boys’ bathroom like she did when she was little.”

“Oh, huh. That’s a bit strange, kiddo. What’s gotten into you?”

Ray just shook his head back and forth while staring at the ground.

“See, she just keeps shaking it off, please, Sarah, just-”

“Please, darling. She obviously doesn’t want to talk about it right now. She’s nearly in college, just let it go.”

His mother shakes her head, but says, “Fine. Good night.”

Ray jumps up from the couch and skips a step at a time up the steps, making it to his computer in no time flat. He clicks to the website so he can IM Michael, but there, written in the message bar to Michael are several messages back and forth he knows he didn’t send.

***

 

Michael knows ze doesn’t have money to spend but it’s only 8:30, and zir pocket’s full of cash that ze hoped could be used to pay 50-50, and so ze takes a detour to the nearest bar that ze knows doesn’t check ID. Luckily there are plenty, because who gives a fuck in BumFuck, NJ, where the way to say hello is “fuck you” and the way to say goodbye is “kick your ass next time.”. Ze drops zir head as ze walks in, and shoves 10 bucks on the counter, asking for the strongest thing they’ve got. Ze chugs it down easily, shaking zir head when the aftertaste rushes forward. The bartender looks at ze and grins.

“You alright, kid?” They ask, their hair flowing down to the middle of their back in a way that makes Michael wonder what kind of hair Ray has. _Ray._ Michael had almost forgot.

“Fine.” Michael says after a bit, “Just broke and not drunk enough, give me another.” Ze slaps down another ten, and the bartender takes it and slides it into their back pocket.

“Okay, but this is the last one.”

Michael nods because that makes sense, ze had to get home to talk to Ray anyway. Ray would understand, Michael just knew it.

***

 

 **brownmanray:** _Hey, Michael?_

 **tmntmichael:** _yeah, ray?_

 **brownmanray:** _how did you figure it out?_

Michael already knows what Ray means, but ze has to ask.

**tmntmichael:** _figure what out?_

**brownmanray:** _Y’know. Gender._

 **tmntmichael:** _i don’t fucking know man. i just didn’t feel right, everything didn’t feel right just being called a guy. i felt like i was wrong but i told myself that no, it’s fine, you’re fine. i did it every fucking day till i was a junior and i couldn’t fucking stop the feeling that something was intensely wrong. i found this website, and i fucking looked and found someone who used gnps, and idk i was just like, wow. because as soon as i saw them i knew that those were more me than everything else. i did a ton of fucking research, i didn’t do shit for a while but fucking research shit. i guess from there it was pretty easy. i just started using these pronouns on this website and didn’t tell anyone. my parents are religious, sometimes spouting shit about homosexualtiy as a sin, but not in a way that’s too bad, y’know? not like they’d hurt me or try to change me if they knew or anything, just in the way that they wouldn’t take it lightly. i’ve just kept it secret. it’s been that way since junior year. now i just fucking hide out in my apartment, except when my friends are setting me up on shitty dates or when i have to go turn a light on for some helpless father of seven._

 **brownmanray:** _Thanks for telling me._

 **tmntmichael:** _no problem dude. what about u? if you want to ofc._

**brownmanray:** _I always knew at some level. I figured it out by the time I was 7. I used to walk into the boys’ bathroom. In gym I’d go to the boy’s side and the teacher used to have to switch me. My mom told me several times to not do it anymore until one day she just sat me down and said that I was a girl and kinda made me repeat it over and over, and that’s when I stopped doing that._

**tmntmichael:** _jesus fuck that’s so messed up. i’m sorry._

 **brownmanray:** _It’s not that bad, but thanks. Now, I just sit in my room and pretend I don’t exist. I mean, I did that until I started talking to you. You make me really happy, I don’t know. Thanks._

 **tmntmichael:** _don’t get all sentimental on me man. we gotta chill for a second. no homo, bro, no homo._

**brownmanray:** _Exactly. Gotta keep the hetero alive. You want me to use ze/zem for you, mostly?_

**tmntmichael:** _it usually fluctuates, hence the term genderfluid, but yeah, those are usually a safe bet._

**brownmanray:** _So, what father of seven have you been talking to? Is it Jon plus eight minus one? (Do you see how good I am at math, how college ready am I?)_

 **tmntmichael:** _you’re a pain in the ass, you know that right?_

 **brownmanray:** _It’s kinda my thing._

***

 

By the time Michael’s on zir computer, it’s only around 9. Ze had stood up zir date an hour ago, and ze sincerely hopes she has found her way home by now.

But when ze opens the chat window, there are several new messages, all of them in all caps.

 **brownmanray:** _HOW DARE YOU CAUSE SARAH SUCH MENTAL HARM. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF YOUNG MAN._

 **brownmanray:** _MAKING HER THINK SHE’S SOMETHING SHE’S NOT. YOU ARE NOT AN APPROPRIATE BOY FOR MY DAUGHTER. STAY AWAY FROM HER, YOU LUNATIC._

 _Boy. Young man._ The words push their way into Michael’s head, things that ze’s been dreading from the start because this isn’t zem, not today. Michael’s falling so far, and ze desperately wants to get pissed and be on Ray’s side, but all ze can see is this blur of nothing and ze’s an island and no one could find zem, not even if they searched every inch of the earth, because ze’s gone, gone, gone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, once again it's been forever. And it's short. And I suck at focusing on one story at a time. Anyway, I swear to god I'll post more soon!  
> And, here are the content warnings:  
> mention of food, misgendering and transphobia mentions.

Ray floats along, not caring what people say to him. They’re all friendly enough, but still, their hello’s are all littered with ‘Sarah’ and he doesn’t want that name anywhere near him. His only getaway would be Michael, but he hasn’t talked to zem in days, not since his mom said those things to zem, misgendered zem so intensely. Ray looks down at the ground and tries to stop thinking about it. He so badly wants to be mad at his mom, but if he does that, where will he be- yelling at his mom for something that he doesn’t want to tell her about. He shakes his head, and ignores everyone, walking his way home, when he hears it behind him.

“YO! Browngirl!”

Ray groans, because he knows exactly who that is. Jonathan, the unforgiving know-it-all, his friend since middle school, but Jesus fuck is he worried about Jon knowing. Jon calls Ray browngirl whenever he gets the chance, mostly because he has a ton of fun doing it, and besides it’s a tradition. Whenever he hears the word girl applied to him he shivers and he begins to walk faster to hopefully outrun it.

“Hold up, browngirl, I’m not as in shape as I used to be!”

“Not today, Jon, do not even think about doing that today.”

“Doing what?”

“Fucking calling me that!”

“Dude, it’s a tradition, don’t be like that! I wasn’t even gonna just trail after you today, I was gonna invite you over to play video games. I have the new Mario, come on!”

“I can’t. Homework.” Ray was lying and Jon knew it. Their high school wasn’t big enough to hold too many teachers, and Jon took all the same classes Ray did.

“Browngirl, just-”

Ray turns sharply, “I told you not to call me that, okay?”

Jon stops walking immediately and looks at Ray directly in the eyes, “Dude, I didn’t know you were being serious. Sorry. I mean, can I at least ask why?”

Ray sighs and looks at the ground, “I’m not a girl. I’m a guy.”

Jon’s eyes widen a little, but nothing too much, as far as Ray can tell. Jon sighs, and says, “Why didn’t you just say so, brownguy?”

Ray grins widely, and takes Jon up on his previous offer.

***

Michael stays home from work the next day, recuperating. Ze looks longingly at ze’s chats with Ray, writing up a long message, only to delete it immediately. Then, ze picks up the phone and does something ze doesn’t think ze’s ever done- ze calls up the date from that night.

“Hello?”

Ze builds up the courage and answers, “Hi. This is Michael. You know. The asshole who stood you up the other night.”

“Oh, yeah. Thanks for the flower, fuckwad.”

Michael laughs a little, unsure of whether that was even a joke, but then ze hears her laughing back over the line, and ze eases down a little more, “Yeah, sorry about that, I just had some personal issues going on, and I’m kind of maybe in a relationship, and I don’t know. I don’t wanna bother you, but I was wondering if maybe you’d like to get coffee sometime, you know, just as friends? If you don’t wanna do it just fucking tell me, I don’t want to have a pity coffee date, I just want to talk.”

There’s silence on the other end for a moment, and Michael’s well prepared to be turned down, but then her voice comes back, “Yeah, okay.”

Michael’s already sweating.

***

**brownmanray:** _Hi, Michael. So, I know things have been shitty on your end. Jesus fuck, I’m so sorry that my mom did that. I wish I had been smarter and been able to prevent it. You are not a boy if you do not feel like a boy. I’m so so so so sorry, again. I think you’re so amazing and you made my life so much better and gave me so much confidence. I will understand if you want to stop being my friend because of this, but I just wanna say that I would miss you so much. I love you. #NoHomoBro_

***

Ray’s staring blankly staring at his computer screen, hoping desperately for Michael’s reply. He’s happy he has Jon now, but jesus, Michael is his best friend. He needs this, he needs Michael. He needs to have zir reassurance, to know ze’s there, to know he has someone, but even more specifically that that someone is Michael. There’s something about Michael that makes Ray know he needs zem.

There’s a ding and Ray’s face lights up as he clicks to the other tab.

**tmntmichael:** _ray, i missed you too. it’s alright and it’s not ur fault, i know that. u’re so important to me. i love you too. here’s my number. call me sometime, okay?_


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so this is it. After 7 billion years of not updating I finally did it. And I'm proud at the end of the day, I'm proud of the ending and I'm happy with what I wrote. And I love the people who have been with me along the way. So thanks. Once again, more trans fic to come, because that's all I write. Goodbye and thank you again.  
> Content Warnings for parents, coming out, PDA, romance, genitalia (I'm a little nervous about that bit, but I'm trans and make jokes about it all the time and mention it, but please let me know if you feel shitty about it, I'll change it), misogynistic slurs, and food.

Michael’s so nervous it’s plaguing zem. _I should leave right now, what the fuck am I thinking? No, no, then it’d just be a repeat of the date- but she’s gonna hate me already, oh god._ And then she walks in, and by god she is a sight to see. She’s got this long red hair, and the way she walks, she just spews confidence.

“Hey,” She says, sticking her hand out to zem, “I’m Lindsay.”

“I’m Michael.”

“I know. You said it on the phone, remember?” She says and sits down in the chair opposite zem, “So, what’s up? You just wanted to see me after the lousy date and make some halfhearted apology that Sam put you up to or…?”

“No, no, nothing like that, it’s just- I really did feel bad for abandoning you. Again, sorry for that.” Ze nods at Lindsay as apologetically as ze can, and she just raises her cup into the air and takes a swig.

“Ah. So you got nervous and left?”

“Well, I don’t know. I usually get nervous and go through with  it and come out feeling like I lead someone on, but, I don’t know, I saw you in the window, and you looked really, uh, excited, I guess? I couldn’t do it, you just looked so genuinely ready to date me, and I didn’t really feel like lying to you for a couple of months straight, so I just didn’t.”

“Oh. So. Gay?” Lindsay asked, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

“No, no, nothing like that. I mean, kinda like that, but I like girls too, I mean women, I mean- Well, you know what I mean.”

“Me too.”

“You know what I mean too?”

“No, I like girls. I’m gay, like really, really gay. You actually scored me a date with the hostess, so thanks.” Lindsay threw up a thumbs up, and Michael laughed a bit, “So why did you get nervous and leave, then?”

“It’s like, lots of reasons, I don’t know. Mainly that I’m not a guy, I mean sort of not a guy, I mean- I’m nonbinary? Y’know, genderfluid- Okay, maybe you don’t know. I’m transgender, if you know that term? Never mind, why am I telling this to a perfect fucking stranger, sorry for calling you to come out to you in the middle of a coffee not-date, um, bye.”

“Michael, sit the fuck down, I know what genderfluid is. Chill. I’ve got a dick too, if that makes you feel better.”

Michael sits down before saying, “Why would that make me feel better? Like, ‘Ah yes, the fact that there is a mighty fine penis here has really made me chill out’.”

“I don’t know. Solidarity, I guess.” Lindsay says, after laughing, “What’re the other reasons?”

“For what?”

“You leaving the date, asshole.”

“Oh, right. Um, I kind of, might have a boyfriend. I don’t know, yet, really, but… I like him a lot.”

Lindsay nods, “So, why is it still a ‘might have a’ and not a ‘might be marrying my’?”

“Well… I’ve never met him. I know that makes me naive or idiotic or whatever the fuck, but I don’t know, I wanna give this a shot and he’s really goddamn important to me, and I just felt weird and kind of like I was betraying him. I don’t know.”

“I think you do know and I think you should make it happen. Don’t be a wimp and go out there at tell this guy that you want to meet. Michael, you can do it. I believe in you.”

“Lindsay, I just met you, but, _fuck_ , you’re a bitch!”

“Hell yeah, I am! Now, fucking go!” Lindsay says, pointing to the door, and Michael walks out of it, sticking zir middle finger in the air.

***

 _Ring. Ring. Ring._ Michael picks it up. _Unknown number._ Ze answers, hoping. “Hello?”

“Hi, um, is Michael there?” The voice is high and it has this nervous tone, yet something about it is steady, almost calm.

“Yeah, I’m Michael. Can I ask who’s calling?”

The person lowers their voice, “Um, it’s Ray. Like, BrownManRay.”

Michael’s heart starts speeding up, “Hi, Ray. I’m TMNTMichael.”

Ray laughs, “Michael, you sound so New Jersey, it’s fucking ridiculous.”

“Dont curse! My virgin Jersey ears!” And they’re both laughing, and suddenly Michael has this lump in zir throat, “Hey, Ray, do you live near Jersey?”

There’s a pause. “Yeah. I live in New York.”

“Ray?”

“Yeah, Michael?”

“Can I come see you?”

“Michael… I’d love that.”

“...Are you crying?” Michael says, responding to the sniffling sounds coming from the other end.

“Shut up.”

“Aw, Ray, don’t cry. I know that _Winnie the Pooh_ is always hard to handle, but the bad bear is gone now-”

“Shut the fuck up, you asshole. I’m hanging up now.”

“Alright, man. Love you. Hashtag no homo, though.”

“No homo, back at you.”

***

“Mom, dad, I, uh, wanted to tell you something. Well, I’m turning eighteen soon, so I was gonna tell you anyway, but, uh, I’m a trans guy. Which means, if you don’t know, that I’m a boy and not a girl.”

“What? Sarah, what?” His mother says, complete and utter disbelief in her eyes.

“I’m a guy. I’d really like you to call me by he pronouns. If you want to talk through any of this please just come out and say it, but don’t hate me or throw me out, please. I swear I can get you to understand.”

“Of course we won’t hate you, Sarah, we just want to know what this means for you.”

“What do you mean?” Ray says, looking at his mother.

“Well,” His father says, “Do you want to be called a different name?”

“...I’d like to go by Ray.”

There’s silence, utter silence and then suddenly he’s being enveloped in his father’s arms, “Ray Jr. Ray Narvaez Jr. Son, thank you. We love you.”

***

They’ve decided to meet a day after Ray’s high school graduation, _so why is this day going so slowly?_ He’s shoving on his graduation gown, now, preparing to walk to the chairs that have been set up on the football field. A couple of people know, but not everyone, his parents saying it might be better to come out with a fresh start at college. He got into a couple of his choices, but he didn’t know if he would even go. His parents did say that he could start T for his next birthday, which filled him with excitement. Still, there he is, awaiting his graduation, placed next to Jon, of course, which seems fitting, because he was the first one he told face to face.

They’re walking, they’re walking, they’re smiling. Everything’s all good. Everyone sits. The valedictorian mounts the stage, walking to the mic. She smiles at the crowd of people, and he thinks her name is something like Fiona, as she says something about how their years together have changed her life forever, blah blah blah. A couple of speeches follow, a similar scheme of a love and friendship that Ray is sure he never really saw from most of the kids. The principal comes onstage for his speech, and they all know this means the diplomas come next and then it’s all over.

Principal Jenners drones on and on until Jon leans over and whispers to him, “I think it’s time to upgrade you, brownguy. I think now I can say that you’re officially brownman.”

Ray turns to him, almost crying, and the names are being called, in reverse alphabetical order, as per usual. _Risinger_ is called and up goes Jon, with a lot of hooting and hollering from his mom. And then, a couple of names later, “Ray Narvaez Jr.”

Ray’s so confused, “Jon, did they just… Call my _name_?”

A couple of others are looking around confused, because they don’t know who this person is, until Ray stands up and walks awkwardly to the front. As he gets onstage he looks out and can see both of his parents there, grinning and waving, and he knows who did this. As he gets onstage, he grabs his diploma. And then, Jon stands up and starts clapping. He continues to be the only one really clapping other than his parents, but right then, Ray decides that this is the time to be himself, to really feel like himself.

So, he turns to the crowd and yells as loud as he can, “THIS IS IT!”

And that’s when everyone starts cheering. It’s a goddamn movie scene and Ray raises his arms in the air. Of course, everyone means about half the students, or only the ones who’ve been called up, because the rest really aren’t as enthusiastic, but it’s a huge triumph for him. He feels great, feels amazing, and only one person could make this better. He can’t wait to go home and pack for his trip to New York City.

***

Michael’s taking the train to Ray, and ze’s so nervous that ze’s just making random videos of zem sitting there. Honestly there are so many things that could wrong in this situation that ze just wants to stop thinking about it, so ze twiddles zir thumbs for an hour, up until the train announces its arrival at the New York City station.

And as ze steps out ze suddenly realizes that ze doesn’t know what Ray looks so how the fuck was ze supposed to find him. And then, ze searches the crowd hoping something about Ray will stand out and then ze sees him.

Ray’s holding a sign.

It reads: _WAITING FOR MY BETTER FRIEND_

Ze starts speed walking over, and ze gets there and all of a sudden, ze’s being hugged harder than ze knows ze could be hugged.

“Michael. Hi there.”

“Hey, Ray.”

They separate a moment to look at each other, really look and Michael takes his face in zir hands and kisses him as hard as ze can. And Ray is something again. Ray is more than something.

Ray is everything.


End file.
